So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
