i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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