I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
