Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
