i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You made out with two different species that night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
