Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
