Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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