we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
