Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
