Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
