we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Let's get the cat blown out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
