Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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