Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
