What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
