at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
