My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
