We named our party play list daddy issues
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
