The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
