These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
