I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love black thongs
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
