Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's get the cat blown out
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
