I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
