meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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