i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
