I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
