Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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