hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
