dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
