OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
