Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
