At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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