i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
