I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
