i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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