I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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