we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
