go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
