Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
