I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
