Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
