you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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