Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
