that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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