My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
