I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
