Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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