Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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