Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
