in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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