ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
