Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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