the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So squirting runs in the family.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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