It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
